The Curious Incident of the Shit in the Nighttime
by Aleksandryna-Zinnaella
Summary: Levi finds an unflushed crap in the toilet. Based on true events. Rated T for language. No pairings.


**Disclaimer: I don't own anything publicly recognised. No copyright infringement is intended.**

 **A/N: Sorry if some of the characters seem a little OOC... I've only seen the anime, not read the manga. Also, this fic is heavily inspired by something which happened between me and my friends on a school trip which I thought could be easily transformed into an SNK fanfiction. So, umm, yeah...**

It was a normal enough evening in the Survey Corps barracks. Eren, Armin and Mikasa were sitting on Armin's bed, chatting about nothing in particular, occasionally inserting a few words into another group's conversation. They were all thankful that the girls had been allowed to enter the boys' dormitory that evening, which many people suspected was something that Petra had convinced Levi to suggest to Erwin. Then, of course, no one thought much of it when Levi excused himself to go to the toilet.

Of course, they thought an awful lot more of it when, barely a minute after his departure, the dormitory door slammed open and an incredibly angry Levi stood in the doorway, glaring daggers at every one of them in turn.

"Which one of you thinks that it is amusing to not flush the toilet after taking a crap?" Levi spat. No one answered, of course. Levi's eyes once again scanned the room, until they stopped and rested on Armin. "You were the last one to use the bathroom, Arlert. Explain yourself." Armin's cheeks turned a vibrant shade of pink.

"I-I d-d-didn't use the t-toi-let! I swear! I-I just cl-cleaned my t-teeth!" Armin stammered out, looking a mixture of horrified at the accusation and terrified by the angry man in front of him.

"Have you tried flushing the toilet, Sir?" Mikasa asked calmly. The expression on Levi's face became one of mixed rage and anguish.

"I tried! The fucking thing's stuck!" he screamed. Eren snorted, and a few others coughed to conceal their laughter. "It's not bloody funny! Clean it up, Arlert, now!"

"I didn't do it!" Armin complained, though he stood up and began to make his way across the room.

"I don't care! You were in there last. It's your responsibility."

Armin walked out of the room, leaving Eren snorting out laughs like an idiot as he sat on the bed. The entire room was so quiet that it was possible to hear the splashing of a toilet brush from the next room. There were low, almost silent, giggles heard from various people around the room, but each of them was silenced by a sharp glare from Levi.

The unmistakable hiss of a cistern flushing rang through the room, and, moments later, Armin emerged, looking vaguely frightened.

"It… It won't go down…" he whispered.

Levi's face turned a vibrant shade of purple, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN, IT WON'T GO THE FUCK DOWN?" Armin cowered under his gaze.

"I-It's stuck. It just made the water go… brown…" Eren leapt up and sprinted to the bathroom, guffawing. Levi stuck his head around the corner, face screwed up in disgust.

"It… It really is brown!" Eren managed to squeak out between bursts of laughter.

"Wash your hands, Arlert." Levi ordered, glaring at Eren.

"But… I was only holding the toilet brush…" Armin protested.

"I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR SHIT!" Levi screamed, and Eren began laughing harder.

"L-literally…" he chuckled.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Levi shrieked. An uneasy silence echoed around the room. Levi pushed past Armin and into the bathroom. "Get out." He began wrapping toilet roll around his hands as he shoved Eren back into the dormitory.

"Captain… Are you okay?" Mikasa asked. Levi's only response was a dark glare. He snatched up the toilet brush and began to try and poke the shit down the toilet, his face contorted with an odd mixture of agony and disgust.

After about thirty seconds, the toilet flushes. Once, twice, three times, a fourth… The scratching sound of immensely vigorous scrubbing bounces off the walls. The toilet flushes again. More scrubbing. Another flush… More scrubbing… Flush, scrub, flush, scrub, for what seemed like an agonising eternity. One final flush, a sigh of relief. The tap turns on, and the sound of water gushing from the faucet fills the air for a wordless seven minutes, everyone focussed solely on not laughing as they listened to Levi's laboured breathing.

Finally, Levi left the bathroom. His hands were a vibrant shade of red, showing everyone just how hard he had been washing his hands and how much soap he had used. His breath came in pants, his cheeks flushed as red as his hands.

"How was it?" Eren asked. Levi's glare deepened further- something no one thought would be possible by that point- as he rounded on the younger male.

"That was not fucking fair! IT WAS NOT MY FUCKING SHIT!" he screamed. No one spoke as he stormed across the room and climbed into his bed. No one moved as he rolled onto his side and drew the covers up.

Then, though it was so quiet that it was almost non-existent, "... I still need to piss…"

Eren snorted, "So go and piss."

The covers were thrown across the room as Levi twisted his body and sat upright, shooting daggers from his eyes at Eren.

"I can't! The toilet is fucking _desecrated_!" he hissed. Eren let out an almost silent snigger, which grew and grew. More people released the collective breath which had been held by the whole room, more and more laughter joining Eren's.

The laughter eventually became so loud that no one heard Levi's irked mutter of "I hate you all."

After the laughter had died down and the lights had been turned out, the girls having gone back to their dormitory, a single thought was voiced aloud.

"Hey, guys. I was the only person to shit in there today, so it must have been me."

And a ripple of laughter broke out across the room as Levi groaned loudly, burying his face in his pillow, upon hearing Eren's comment.

 **A/N: How was it? I hope you enjoyed. Major thanks to** littledino1011 **for basically being Levi, and to Hellie and Alice for being so easy to turn into Armin and Mikasa. This fic is based on the true story of an event which happened on my History trip to Berlin, so sorry if the characters are a little OOC. They're probably a bit more like me and my friends than they should be... Anyway, I hope you enjoyed! Be sure to let me know what you thought! Reviews make me happy!**


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